Boefie-isms 9

Elevation: (noun) The science of putting on stilettos.

Exorcising: (verb) The act of getting divorced.

Extensions: (plural noun) Hair, eyelashes, nails…

Facial minimalism: (noun) An acting technique developed by and for aging performers with Botox.

Boefie-isms 8

Distasteful: (adjective) A descriptor in reference to old men and young women in a relationship.

Distraction: (noun) The result of someone opening a bottle of French champagne somewhere.

Divine: (adjective) My review of a film containing both Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

Dramatis personae: (collective noun) Family, friends, colleagues, etc.

Boefie-isms 7

Cougar: (noun) A term thought up by an insecure, jealous, twenty-five year old girl whose boyfriend was looking at a gorgeous and sophisticated older woman.

Dance: (noun) Exercise for people living on Planet Gorgeous.

Diamanté: (noun) The essential adage to all outer wear.

Directions: (plural noun) The information the chauffeur gets from the butler.

Distance: (noun) The space between me and an old man.

Boefie-isms 6

Champagne cocktail: (noun) The first words that should be uttered to a waiter.

Chocolate: (noun) One of the three major food groups, the other two being Champagne and nicotine.

Conversation: (noun) Intersecting monologues.

Boefie-isms 5

Blonde: (noun) The result of going to a salon and asking the hairdresser to make you beautiful.

Botox: (proper noun) A Miracle cure for ailments relating to the inevitability of Age.

Cacophony: (noun) Pretending to cough.

Boefie-isms 4

Back-Lighting: (noun) A natural or artificial light source behind a seated figure, resulting in a more favourable guestimation of Age.

Bacon: (proper noun) Kevin.

Ballad: (proper noun) A soccer player.

Boefie-isms 3

Artefact: (noun) A more concise way to refer to a middle-aged man.

Artificial: (adjective) Descriptive of the elements involved in achieving a ‘natural look’.

Audience: (noun) You.